#astrologer in british columbia

[nightguide]

Look at the chart from the rising sign beginning with aries and go from rising to eighth house to complete the restorative cycle of the heart so heres what you get:

1. Aries rising = Scorpio 8H

2. Scorpio rising = Gemini 8H

3. Gemini rising = Capricorn 8H

4. Capricorn rising = Leo 8H

5. Leo rising = Pisces 8H

6. Pisces rising = Libra 8H

7. Libra rising = Taurus 8H

8. Taurus rising = Sagittarius 8H

9. Sagittarius rising = Cancer 8H

10. Cancer rising = Aquarius 8H

11. Aquarius rising = Virgo 8H

12. Virgo rising = Aries 8H

Okay, so now look at your degree of the sun sign. That’s your actual sign, only the sun’s degree because the attitude of the degree changes you, so this is the alternate way of looking at your birth chart based on your life, so all planets except the sun follow the traditional astrology route except the sun’s degree.

So it naturally flows between the angle of the sun to society following abridged to personal development based on the new theory (name yet to be thought)

Because the traditional standards tell a story of the new prolific standards of the heart, it shows you what exactly happened in their lives without overly progressing worldly matters so if i can say my degree theory overputs this standard model from the traditional astrology physics from aries to pisces, then it's as it goes if i challenge my new model with it to apply to all planets except the signs of the planets does not change except the sun because sun in being changes as we progress now speaking we're in Gemini season (27/05/24)

now apply my theory, you'll get an accurate description of what you are than what you do because traditional astrology doesn't ask you what you should not be doing except what you should actually be doing (only embracing what you do but why do it = fulfilment of the heart which is why it changes with the sun because the sun is what follows the energetic foregrounds of human living, it was only discovered when i was in actual heartbreak that i made a living in doing what i can to protect others from falling into a ground where doing actually matters instead of knowing your self worth because all areas of astrology never implies matters in thinking for yourself because:

it only follows signs other than where leo should be at:

traditional astrology = neptune

medieval astrology = nothing. they don't even want to guide you but make you into a being of pure hate, which is why the tradition then died out with me calling them out of their bullshit because medieval astrology is confused astrologers right now who are making no sense into what they're talking about by not actually acting on their own suggestions.

Vedic astrology = mars

electional astrology = mars

horary astrology = venus

Chinese astrology = mercury

financial astrology = sun + venus

mundane astrology = jupiter

western astrology = saturn

evolution astrology = jupiter + uranus

Tibetan astrology = uranus

Hellenistic astrology = jupiter

Genethliac (natal) astrology = they don't follow it

Locational astrology = venus + mercury (heartbreaker's mother)

Medical astrology = pluto

derivative astrology = mars + pluto (where i have discovered my degree theory from) ⭐

draconic astrology = sun + uranus (what i actually got it from) ⭐

okay, this is the birth chart of actor Matt Smith (hello Haffy, this ain't a sin if you're doing it for the love of Allah because like everybody else, i was struggling to commit to my heart to Allah because of how hard life made me believe in Allah, Muslim women are predominantly the worst ones effected due to how much resentment they get from being themselves, so it's a virtue for me to look at this and feel at peace knowing i can read and do whatever i want as long as i know Allah (heart)

so, Matt is actually a Taurus. with a 4.44 (capricorn degree) sun. that makes him more diligent in emotional expression than he is in person, he makes his heart happen by being in a heartbreak which he is not actually used to, his methods of going about life is like (don't break your own heart, Haffy) 'look at what i have' and it will just be his person of honour (wife) and he will not give two fcks unless a man tells him off, he's much more sincere if someone were to... break him down from Hollywood if he was going to go home because naturally, he does not listen to his own heart because he thinks the heart will not go 'to heaven' because by moralistic belief, he believes in the old Jehovah's witness style of living than he is of dying, so Haffy. he's not into American's when America is into you, if i say you're big then you are big, by amounts of heart you can give or take, he actually goes by heartbreak if it was sincere to the heartbreakers life if actually questioned into moralistic belief of 'who made you do it' to 'how did it happen', Matt's code of honour is placed within the virtue of his wife is she lets it be because she knows and establishes the moral of conduct on behaving like an angel on his behalf to accept nothing in the expense of her own death (Jehovah's style), therefore he will never see reason until she breaks him right now, Matt. your Dad is well aware of what you're doing, he reads my Tumblr like a newspaper every morning, he likes my insights because he is the kind of man who will bring new concepts into this world by taking out the old. he is an inventor by pure chance all because he scorns the old beliefs by natural suppression, he does not believe in the commodity of age and likely disparity of the conversation being held here because like your dead father in law, he does not care except the conversation between life and death took place after you're 'trying to find a family' that already exists by melting down my own concerns, you don't believe in a common Islamic notion but your own narrative that you will not care to find unless i am deceased because in every single way, you don't want to stand alone and think naturally doing what is best for you except you will never do what you think is best for me, you don't want to try unless the common woman dies and only men and men alone are there to build a new inquisition to... please the father... that you.. wanted... to befriend. with... after... the methods of... the practical.. physical... becomes.. metaphy...sical? are.. you.. trying to... create a... new Islam.. by founding.. another mans project.. and say it's just...two men and one dead.. woman.. because the natural concept... of a God is woman and... she should be... dead for... it, like Matt openly admitted that this is the true concept of life when your narrative should only be based on dreams carried on when you know, you know, so it's technically a devout chinese to biblical methodology carried by a Christian sect that openly shames for this kind of thing because your ideas does not generate upon mindless reason but your ideas generate all because your Dad is willing for you to get back with me but you're too insecure on living it except you need a traumatic moment with one of your families (personally the father) to physically rape you into reason because your mind isn't complete without separation that will cost you your life (hence the 4.44 degree) meaning, you do know what to do and you're more worthy in actually doing it, but you're too ignorantly led on 'another idea' which always leads you back into your intrusive thought right now is that 'he could come anytime cuz Riaz (father in law) never lies'

you do realise that my Dad is a Muslim, he ain't one of your sociopathic-evangelical traditionalists, like my Dad died of a heart failure and you're subsiding that because another case that is leading you to solid corruption isn't going to make me do everything for you while you prance around New York or LA like that because your sick and twisted film drama Bunny Munro is actually going to be the death of you when you're inhibiting a character's traits like mine if i cannot physically plan to get out because you're too insecure to find a way to beat Cillian's accolades for it than just one NTA (national television award) for it.

like this is what your Dad wants to actively tell you everyday if you were with him because when he is physically around because HE WILL limit you, he will restrict you for not speaking against his best interests, he has a heart to guide you but you're not too diligent enough to learn because since my father passed away, i had to learn to cope with my heart because he of anyone had a heart greater than mine because at 17 years old, nobody had the strengths or feats to learn more than he did because he was the one to see me but knowing what it's like to lose a parent is you losing your sense of disparity in learning what it's like to grieve because a man like you have everything you can to give but you grieve over 'nothing', you'd expect to let your father pass away because your job offers no condolences but to rub into Cillian's face if you win for 'existing' because old Hollywood defines on recognition from 'the father' when it's really critically acclaimed by heart and heart only, the world does not revolve around you and neither does your thoughts will do anything to shift me off angle as you do because your Dad will settle you straight by you not acting as you should because you DO have a filter around you 'in being' because you don't really know what it's like to see your father decay with every appointment he goes to or when he oversleeps everyday only to eat so much to eat so little, he adds little to too much salt in everything he eats and his weight gain does not go over 8 stone. his weight never improved. his weight never actually helped except the fact that he was cannula fed with nutrients every single appointment going or how many insulin injections he kept taking (your Dad is reading as i speak). My Dad had too many medications and nothing prevailed him except habit and he was cutting down on cigarettes, was actually improving til he collapsed on late June til his death on early July, his last words to me you sick bastard, was one when he wasn't on breathing apparatus to the day before he died. one was 'i love you' and the day before he died, Friday 8th July, 'how are you?'. Those were his last words. Your Dad is my highest priority to honour because i am devout on my trust and reason to live, my Dad was more than a champion to me and i speak of him very fondly, even before committing to the ideal of a husband i always wanted, i'd always dream i would find a champion like he is to me and tell him 'the story never ends' like he always taken me to car boot sales with me and my brothers and he always loved finding things that he may find of use to him and brag about the expense of his heart when looking at what he found compared to what he never found before, like money is absolute to him if he lived a different life, he's into DIY and likes to get his hands on things so often, knows his engineering physics and always looking for a reason to improve his home, he was finding a reason to talk when he went from plumbing to decorating, like the man has his sense of honour when a man does it, he knows how to treat his heart like he had a gift to bring and that's every father's joy when seeing his heart look too influenced in writing this of heart that someday he (my father in law) may take inspiration because i am of what he (my Dad) made me.

degree theory:

aries: (1, 13, 25)

Scorpio: (2, 14, 26)

Gemini: (3, 15, 27)

Capricorn: (4, 16, 28)

Leo: (5, 17, 29)

Pisces: (6, 18)

Libra: (7, 19)

Taurus: (8, 20)

Sagittarius: (9, 21)

Cancer: (10, 22)

Aquarius: (11, 23)

Virgo: (12, 24)

okay, there is another conversation about this and this is likely because the world of conspiracy theories will lead you to Celebrity/Fan image of the world if you're a thinker and a feeler, like there is a completely different subject when knowing you are a celebrity or person of influence that would get you thinking why Muslim's are not easily persuaded because they don't believe in fame the way non-Muslims do, they believe in honour that they know they're going to die physically one day and theres nothing they can do about it because it is physically evident in seeing a graveyard as a reminder of where they're headed to what they regret not doing, so they make everyday their last day which is why their life is consisted in following the female voice (respecting their parents honour) because their code of honour lasts for generations because Muslims are so precarious on what they say or speak that they limit on living by expanding on what they say or do because it is a generational habit they they pray on time or that they fast or that they greet the sick or that they attend a funeral so much to when you discover that they don't actually do so much when you believe in what you say or believe because they don't want people who make a mockery of their religion to be part of the family.

so the Islamic ideology is rooted with 'be and it is'

36:82 إِنَّمَآ أَمْرُهُۥٓ إِذَآ أَرَادَ شَيْـًٔا أَن يَقُولَ لَهُۥ كُن ��َيَكُونُ ٨٢

All it takes, when He wills something ˹to be˺, is simply to say to it: “Be!” And it is! — Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

so it's a strong method to concern what does not have to change is what you should leave to Allah (swt), so it is separated in the the version of which i put my degree theory into that helps you grow.

i based the degree theory off following the rising sign from aries to every 8th house to 12, not 13. (Ophiuchus is not included because the heart of that sign goes back to the Ya'sin (heart in heaven but it is YASEEN because it actually helps with the modality of heartbreak)

so the signs that separate the quote is living and Hollywood calls them Muslims but they follow it with HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD

broken down this is acutely the strongest way to follow Islamic academia without making knowledge 'haram' as it became nowadays because Hollywood actually made the world more convenient to heart for Muslim's to reject it.

'BE' (Hollywood)

Aries (self worth)

Scorpio (in love)

Gemini (heart in heaven)

Capricorn (don't forget)

Leo (tomorrow life)

'AND IT IS' (Undead)

6. Pisces (sleep)

7. Libra (virtue)

8. Taurus (self worth)

9. Sagittarius (aakhirah (meaning 'afterlife')

10. Cancer (sibling in hell (hope)

11. Aquarius (life)

12. Virgo (fiction)

you can now see that the degree theory and heartbreak does not exist and i call it 'EQUATORIAL PHYSICS OF THE STAR'

I subsequently name it after a cartoon from Disney XD called 'Star vs the forces of Evil'

it actually follows the same journey of a Princess from Mewni looking for a home on Earth when she literally enjoys fighting monsters and falls in love with Marco because in 2017, i was a heavy Starco shipper, i loved them too hard that i stopped watching cartoons all together to remake my own life, which is why i don't care to have a symptom named after me either cuz all i cared about is getting my wand back together to rule Mewni cuz this exists!

you can go ahead and believe in a dream when all of your dreams are made of cartoons, like heck, do what you want so it's called the the 'Mewni code of honour' or just to make it defined more loudly and proudly 'EQUATORIAL PHYSICS OF THE STAR' because i am British. and Brits challenges the feats of the world because their accents are 'be and it is', like have you ever seen the inbetweeners and wonder why American's are scared of British people coming at them, like glad you know that American's forfeit the British legion as much as Taylor's British inquisition ended at Alwyn dumping her and she wrote the The Tortured Poets Department after the psychology made after when two people have sex and it all ends there because seeking values at times got Kelce (Kansas native) thinking why his mother loves him so much after he granted his first deposit, not only after the team (Kansas City Chiefs) was gaining position after position, no. Taylor sponsored the entire team because they will not take the hit after Kelce (Kansas native) made it an allegiance to the public eye that they will win after emotional string felt lines touched by gameplay made his Mom tell him off for existing before Swift came in, no. His mom was telling him off his entire life that he will never make it until debt free heartbreak came in and she acknowledge A RELIGION with a duty free slap from God that made him win every league all because his debts were due to the one writing it right now for putting him on site that made no fandoms more allegory than it is articulate for making sounds look like little children she wanted in the form of cash. cuz any Mom will want cash, any Mom will want to have their debts cleared for life, which is why she dreamed of moving to the UK for reasons listed:

UK is known to be in the middle of the equator, so when i discovered this degree theory. It will help 'her' (generalising everybody) in finding ways to accumulate knowledge by travel, so if she goes to anywhere in the UK, she will find sense that she's talking with more honour by giving into herself more like i am, she will want to start a blog by making stuff up by listening to what her heart desired most because desires are now more neutral here than anywhere else and

it is more safer travelling to Arab countries without being questioned for identity because Smith's identity is now exposed as the idiot that made him on there look famous only for him to redact and remonstrance an orderly effect on the way we're (Muslims) are supposed to be like because everybody wants to issue a recreance towards heartbreak.

so where and how does the names derive itself:

EQUATORIAL PHYSICS OF THE STAR - time zones lie in the middle for the BST (British Summer Time) after it went forward an hour 2 months ago, it makes travel much easier after Wintertime (begins from the shortest day of the year til the clocks go forward) to spring and from summer (longest day of the year til clocks go backward), time zones do not matter in the web of mind to heart when allocating marriage because separation anxiety breaks rules within itself, so Matt, listen. you got a mind and heart, that does not make you lose it when you're with me because i have more facts and knowledge i have discovered that no one will take away from me or neither kill me for it, because i am destined to break the world with my innova- no, it's just purely reason and i was born in Belfast (Northern Ireland) so if you look at the grounds i was born on cuz Belfast natives don't want to make things up but they rely on the greatest roots of being that they challenge the world for it (physics) and the nature of my Eros sign is on Pisces 5.39 meaning i actually care deeper than i should compared to any other sign and this my natural state of being when i am separated from you (body to honour physics of a metaphysical structure of the heart during heartbreak) so that makes me a Pisces than i am an Aquarius sun native due to my Taurus's inability to have because my Mars is where i am at because i am more fair there than i am here because that is another whole set of knowledge i am willing to put (Inshaa Allah) on there because you're not going to curse me for putting you on there because your Dad values me more than he values you because it's a shame that i made myself more necessary because all i have to do to condone my Islamic physics is reveal myself makes you makes me but not me this time, you more attracted to your Dad now than i am to... what do you think of me, i did not do this for you, you don't collect my virtues of status like a subconscious pig you made me type before i typed in... 'because'? because you wanted to be more famous from me which is where the 'STAR' part drives in the fact that Star from the show is beating up Ludo, a birdlike character that does not want anything to do with the show but curse the... what? so apparently, Ludo's logic drives the same direction as Matt's when i was annotating his Sun in Taurus 4.44 (Capricorn degree) and his ideology on human matters driving into the world of Tom Cruise's Church of Scientology because evidence is all around you that thank God, my entire Ummah (brotherhood of heart) knows how to figure out what is good and what is evil and wait til i crack down on what Scientology's roots come from up until the point where i tell your him that you don't even matter because science will break you down like an atom because good energy exists ('PHYSICS') and bad energy exists, people want what they're looking for unless you want to be acknowledging a new level of basis that does not exist which does not even attribute to society than just making the states of laws so mediocre that they would just accept what you would call 'Islamic ideology' and it would just be the same as this quote here:

like.... you.. don't even make... sense.

'EQUATORIAL' - equator in the middle of the Earth of the commoner's kingdom (Israel)

'PHYSICS' - logic by law

'OF' - making sense to be

'THE' - God knows you're valuing a heart to break

'STAR' - woman coded logic, you always go back to your wife (married) or mother (separated or just not even looking at your heart) and it also means 'mother' because you know when it's best to break your own heart (male) when you have to give back. The code for women following it is that they 'be and it is' (father's honour to his heart and daughter's honour to follow for her mates heart to become her)

i made this look like a fckin fashion project because i know fashion more than anything as i have been en-route to the course in education from 2014 - 2022.

the bias of the project is always attain the reason of 'why?' and explain it to them like as if you were explaining it to the examiner who is a literal dumbass. the examiner does not know anything and you have to have the balls to teach them everything from roots to become, cuz what the hell are you even here for? what is your philosophy and why does even oxygen make you for being, cuz you're not leaving this Earth without making a scene too big for Earth to value you but you make a route to other learners to follow on as if you're 'the shit'. Make your bloodline look strong by making them look shit cuz it is a race for hearts in the end.

go ahead, make a blog and tag me. i'll challenge you to challenge me because your minds is as good as mine😊

[saturniandevil]

April 2024 Important Dates

AKA my notes on The Astrology Podcast's April forecast, hosted by Chris Brennan and Diana Rose Harper (Austin is away on paternity leave). This is one of the most astrologically active months in the year. In addition to planetary movements, there's a comet that will be visible soon in the night sky and a nova.

We're going into the month right off the tail of a Libra lunar eclipse on March 25th. We're in "eclipse season," the time between eclipses, with much activity to report. Starting off, Baltimore's Key Bridge collapsed after a container ship crashed into it, which Austin called last forecast when he said that Mars's entry into Pisces (approaching a conjunction to Saturn) would involve a sudden halt in maritime trade. Astrologically it's quite on the nose, with a Libra (associated with trade/commerce) moon conjunct the South Node (symbolizing lack and decrease). We even have a chart for the opening of this bridge: it was an exact Mars return for this bridge, as well as its Uranus opposition and nodal opposition. Also on the Libra eclipse was the UN Security Council's vote for a ceasefire in Gaza. The April 8th eclipse will show us whether this resolution is successful, and a final Libra eclipse in October will tie these events together.

In celebrity news, we had obviously doctored photos of Kate Middleton prompting increasingly wild speculation on what the British royal family was hiding, culminating in Kate announcing her cancer diagnosis & chemotherapy plans on the March 22nd Venus(women, exalted in Pisces = royalty)-Saturn (slow illnesses) conjunction. She was also born on a lunar eclipse & announced this right before one. Just 3 days after the eclipse, on March 28th, Sam Bankman-Fried of FTX was sentenced to 25 years in prison, the newest development in a story that began on an eclipse when BitCoin crashed and revealed his role in one of the biggest instances of financial fraud in US history.

In smaller news, a nova in the T Coronae Borealis system will be visible as a new star in the night sky this year. This nova is visible every 76 years or so (the last time was 1946), and has been observed as far back as the Middle Ages. Add this to the eclipses and the comet, and Chris hasn't seen such an astrological buildup since forecasting 2020. As the eclipse hit his 3rd house Donald Trump published a book combining the Bible and the US Constitution, while in other news an orca was stranded in British Columbia, another dolphin & orca-related development in the (Mars-)Saturn in Pisces in cycle and Arizona announced Pluto as their state planet.

April Overview: with significant activity in Pisces, Aries, and Taurus simultaneously, we'll be getting hard aspects to every modality (and trines to every element)--everyone will be getting hit with some kind of change (but will have opportunities for growth as well). Chris makes a distinction between the challenging first half of the month, and a second half which will see more clarity.

April 1st - Mercury stations retrograde By time of posting this retrograde is in full swing: disruptions in communication, plans, travel and technology. Diana describes this as especially frustrating in Aries, trying to go one way but some huge miscommunication gets in the way. We may have to walk back on words spoken in anger and renegotiate situations where we identified the wrong target as our enemy. With the eclipse's ruler Mars conjoining Saturn on the 10th, anyone who travels for the eclipse and hangs around for a few days may run into blockages, likely due to rain and floods. Other general Mercury retrograde significations: people come back into your life, unfinished projects become relevant again, and situations from the past resurface. For example, Sagittarius risings often see the "duderang" effect where male lovers come back into their lives, as Mercury rules their Gemini 7th house. Mercury rx also brings delays and slowdowns, and is generally a good time for introspection and "emotional alchemy."

April 3rd - Venus conjoins Neptune This occurs right as she leaves the sign of Pisces. Venus-Neptune keywords: dreamy, fantastical, imaginative (especially with art), compassionate, and opportunities to find new avenues of enjoyment and pleasure. Saturn's copresence in Pisces can bring us some grounding and reality. This can also bring unclear boundaries, uncertain relationships, and idealizing one's lover--like using the soft lens. In events, AI images and videos and toxic synthetic dyes also fall under Venus-Neptune. Is the siren's call too good to be true?

April 4th - Venus enters Aries Chris hopes that Venus's copresence to the eclipse will mitigate some of its effects, but on the flipside this means she's left Mars and Saturn alone with each other in the Pisces chart of our house.

April 8th - Total Solar Eclipse in Aries This eclipse will be visible over much of the (particularly eastern) continental US:

Diana calls it a chiron eclipse, so here's the chart with chiron:

The Moon will eclipse the Sun at 19 Aries, which is where Chiron will be as well. Mythologically, Hercules brings back the head (North Node, Aries) of the hydra to Chiron, whose poison causes him incredible pain because he is immortal and cannot die from it. He eventually trades his immortality for Prometheus and Zeus puts him in the heavens as a constellation. Narratively, eclipses invert what we expect: it becomes dark in the middle of the day! Prominent people fall suddenly from grace and new rulers skyrocket to power during eclipses. Because the eclipse occurs in the sign of the Sun's exaltation, leaders and heads of state/organization/etc will be especially affected. A similar Chiron-influenced Aries solar eclipse occurred in 1968 when Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated. Nelson Mandela was sent to jail under an eclipse, but was also freed under another eclipse and elected to office under yet another eclipse.

For individuals, make note of what house this occurs in for you; this will be the end of one chapter and the opening of a new one in this area of life. Anything close to 19° of Aries will definitely feel it, as will any placements at that degree of Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn (hard aspects to the cardinal signs), while 19 Leo and Sagittarius (trine to fire signs) may feel some support. Generally, this series of events in Aries-Libra began a year ago, and will have its final eclipse on this axis in March of 2025.

This eclipse is ruled by a Mars (♓) who's just about conjunct with Saturn (♓), grinding things to a halt. Whatever's happening in the Aries and Pisces place is going to take some extra time. Other keywords: the end of a life cycle, matters of great importance & turning points in world history, major disasters as well as scientific discoveries. Eclipses highlight just how much is out of our control, like being on a teacup ride that's going too fast and being unable to stop unless something hits you. 6 months later, we'll get an eclipse that connects to some of these events:

Diana also points out that there will be an influx of tourists to rural areas of the US, advising travelers to stay courteous and noting that many local municipalities advise residents to stock up on basic supplies so they won't be lacking when a small area is flooded with new people & their needs. Generally, the eclipse will be a very creepy experience, with the Sun going completely dark, colors becoming muted, and stars may even be visible--some cultures have warnings against going outside during eclipses. Back to metaphors, Chris points out that the small seeds of much larger events are often planted during eclipses. Sometimes you don't know until later just how important this obscured implantation is because, like the Sun, our vision is occulted. Take notes, even of subtle things.

April 10th - Mars conjunct Saturn in Pisces We expect the two malefics to bring us challenges: their conjunctions in late Capricorn & early Aquarius heralded the first COVID lockdowns, and other hard aspects brought new variants and similar pandemic news. In 2022 a Mars-Saturn conjunction occurred with an epidemic of ebola. However, note that these are all airborne viruses, and these movements occurred with Saturn in the air sign of Aquarius. What will this look like in Pisces, a water sign? Chris predicts that existing Saturn-Pisces issues with water pollution and maritime trade/travel will have destructive moments as Mars comes in, while Diana thinks about water as a vector of disease, such as cholera & sewage treatment. Now that deep permafrost is melting due to climate change, we may also see new pathogens or substances released, as well as complications from farm water runoff. We'll definitely see the effects of this Baltimore bridge collapse, and, with the outbreak of dengue fever in Latin America, may see developments around diseases borne of insect bites. We may also hear about the ill effects of microplastics, lead, and asbestos as a result of this conjunction. More generally: pollution, ocean, liquids, extremes of hot and cold, feelings of constraint (and literal constraint), and spiritual or emotional burnout. Pisces is a sign of inescapable enmeshment with each other, so we'll likely deal with compassion fatigue and emotional isolation (especially involving social media). Questions of whether or not something is "real" remain relevant as ever.

On the positive side, Mars-Saturn brings discipline and self-control. Sometimes Mars and Saturn can temper each other to give us self-sustaining focus. We can combine hard-won wisdom with the drive we need to achieve it, like a martial arts training montage. Do we have the belief and conviction to achieve mastery? With determination we can reach heights we once only imagined. There's also stamina, resilience, and rigidity. Overlapping with the Mercury retrograde, we can also see delays and obstructions. If there are boundaries you've been meaning to enact, now is the time. We can see potential pitfalls, but beware of pessimism and not believing in yourself. Resentment and pent-up anger can also come into play as Mars's impulse butts up against Saturn's inaction, but incremental progress adds up.

April 11th - Sun conjunct retrograde Mercury (Cazimi) This marks a turning point in the retrograde. Diana uses a spelunking metaphor: during the retrograde we're diving into the cave, and at the cazimi we've found our treasure...but we still have to make our way back out. Our personal eclipse stories may become clearer during this time as well.

April 19th - Sun enters Taurus, Retrograde Mercury conjunct Venus Venus will help sweeten communications during the last week of Mercury's regression.

April 20th - Jupiter conjunct Uranus This brings freedom, liberation, and sudden rapid growth--completely different from the Mars-Saturn activity earlier this month. This may also set us up for the Jupiter-Mars conjunction later this summer. The Uranus in Taurus story has brought labor organizing and unions to prominence, so expect those stories to intensify during this conjunction. General keywords: technological breakthroughs and scientific discoveries, sudden revelations and growth, revolutions, rupture, and unexpected shifts. This conjunction takes place every 14 years, so Chris expects new discoveries, optimism and "quantum leaps" or new precedents in some fields. In Taurus this is related to food and agriculture--in addition to new technologies we'll likely see further developments with the farmer's protests in India and Europe. Finance and money is another Taurus signification, so disruptions in banks & questions about decentralizing currency may arise. Freedom, rebellion, and general eccentricity become important. We'll feel like anything is possible, but in disregarding the rules and refusing to compromise we may make rash decisions.

The comet Pons-Brooks may also start to become visible during this time. It comes by about every 80 years and is named for its 18th century discoverers. Ancient literature on comets is similar to that of eclipse: an ominous phenomenon heralding the deaths of rulers and falls of kingdoms. However, they note the color and appearance as indicating some positive effects when associated with Jupiter, and the planets whose path it crosses are relevant as well. Pons-Brooks passes closely by the Jupiter-Uranus conjunction, putting an exclamation point on the planetary significations.

April 23rd - Scorpio Full Moon

We're finally out of eclipse season, so things are starting to calm down. However, this lunation (04♏) squares Pluto (02♒), bringing some conflict in. It'll be stabilizing, but not necessarily comforting. Acceptance is bittersweet medicine. The full moon illuminates the deep transformative experiences Pluto brings to the early degrees of fixed signs in our charts. We're really getting to the bedrock of things. When Venus enters Taurus she'll square Pluto, and Mars will trine Pluto when he enters Aries. With those personal planets in domicile, it'll feel like coming home, but home is a little different. Pluto will retrograde soon and Chris predicts this station will bring major events in AI and related technologies. Mars is also quickly nearing his conjunction with Neptune, bringing the weaponization of these technologies.

April 25th - Mercury stations direct

April 28th - Mars conjunct Neptune (typo in image) Aside from weaponization of AI and social media, Mars-Neptune also connotes the manipulation of reality for political purposes. Revealing that a shocking news story was actually false wont necessarily diffuse the feelings it arose. Even if it didn't happen, you may still hold resentment towards the wrong target. Think the "fog of war" or shadowboxing. Other keywords include conflicts in or about water, idealism & ideologically-charged conflicts, confusion, acid, corrosion, lethargy, sapped vitality, and unnecessary martyrdom.

April 29th - Venus enters Taurus She immediately squares Pluto. Venus in domicile brings us to the election for the month:

April 29th - Selected auspicious election (not pictured)

Set the chart for about 12:55PM local time, which gets you Leo rising with the Ascendant ruler Sun in the 10th whole sign house in Taurus, where it's copresent with Jupiter, Uranus, and Venus. This chart is good for 10th house matters like career, reputation, social standing, overall life direction and accomplishing goals. The Moon is in Capricorn, applying to a trine with Jupiter, bringing support. Mercury has stationed direct, bringing us away from some of the delays and issues we experienced earlier. Even the Mars-Saturn conjunction is about as far away as we can get, and a day chart Jupiter conjunct Uranus brings creativity to our efforts. Diana associates the 10th house with the gestating parent and thus recommends doing something nice for your mom now.

April 30th - Mars enters Aries Entering firey and decisive Aries, Mars is no longer encumbered by slow Saturn and diffuse Neptune. This complete chapter change comes with a sextile to Pluto--the tone shift will feel like getting our oxygen back. This opens us up for a lot of quick movements through Aries and Gemini in May.

[equallyshaw]

rut x rosie timeline + thoughts | rut x rose hughes au ⚘ thoughts. ⚘ au masterlist. ⚘ t/w at the end, mentions miscarriage

⚘ met on June 5th, 2023 ⚘ did not see each other until early august, as luke wanted one last weekend with the boys before the season started started ⚘ exchanged phone numbers before she left for madison, wisconsin ⚘ friends from august 2023 until march 2024 ⚘ oblivious friends to lovers trope lol ⚘ everybody around them could tell that they liked each other more than friends but had always thought the other didn't see them in that way ⚘ during world jrs, rose was a steadfast supporter of rut during his time as captain, despite rooting for team canada publicly ⚘ rose went to visit ann arbor, before heading to the frozen four in new hampshire with wisonsin right before it started ⚘ her and rut went to a diner at 3 am after watching the second episode of star wars - they considered it their first date (3/11/24) ⚘ when she was in new hampshire, rut took a quick trip to the last day of the tournament and watched her win player of the game & the title with wisconsin

⚘ became official on march 25th, 2024 ⚘ decided to keep it on the down low for two months ⚘ told her brothers in the june when she went home for the summer ⚘ posted each other on their instagrams in july ⚘ rose posted rutger on her tiktok, asking questions about each other and dunking each other's face in a bowl of water if they got the question wrong - it went viral ⚘ in august, before she went back to madison and him to michigan, she posted a summer recap of everything she'd done the summer. a lot of it included rutger - went pretty viral ⚘ they celebrate one year on march 25th, 2025 with a weekend trip to chicago, meeting each other at the halfway mark ⚘ her brothers invite rut to stay during the summer with them, if his training and schedule allows ⚘ rut and rose spend the summer together in michigan, taking trips up and down the state as well as visiting southern california and british columbia to visit connor, kent, and the rest of the bc crew ⚘ shortly before rose goes back to madison for her fifth and final year, her and rutger break up. rose is worried about the distance while he is in winnipeg and she is stateside.

thoughts: ⚘ their breakup is not amicable, and rutger carries some varying level of resentment towards the girl and shuts down anybody that asks about her. ⚘ definitely said a few choice words the last time they saw eachother ⚘ literally, blindside everybody in their friend groups and family ⚘ they archive their photos and tiktoks, and in media - they shy away or completely ignore any subtle questions about their relationship. something they had not done before ⚘ her brothers find out a few weeks after training camp ends for the NHL, after rutger goes viral on tiktok for not answering two questions about the hughes. one, he intends to play with the hughes at the olympics. second, if rose wants to represent the us at the olympics alongside the four of them. ⚘ despite them being broken up, she does watch his first official game in the NHL and she even texts him congratulations to which he leaves on read ⚘ in september, she ends up meeting a girl in one of her astrology courses and the two end up going out starting after christmas ⚘ rutger finds out from dylan duke - after she came to visit connor to watch dylan play at the UC from a late night ice cream insta story post with the two of them in the background holding hands ⚘ she ended up bringing the girl because connor wanted to meet her in person, and he falls in love with her. thinks they're a perfect match. (a perfect rebound match that is)

⚘ her and connor get in a fight the morning she leaves because he tells her what he thinks ⚘ rutger is hurt that she moved on but he knows she has every right to since she initiated the breakup & how poorly he treated her ⚘ her and her gf fizzle out in feburary after the girl realizes that rose isn't over rut ⚘ she ends up taking a week a week off and visits quinn to get some clarity and have a break from the semester and season ⚘ quinn tells her straight up that she isn't over rut and hasn't been since they broke up, even if she had said so ⚘ arranges for her to get on the next flight to Winnipeg, as he connects with a childhood friend he has out there to house her with him and his wife, until she can see rutger in person ⚘ literally shows up on rutgers doorstep and his ex girlfriend opens the door ⚘ rutger literally sprints down the stairs to the parking garage where quinn's friend's wife waits for her as she takes the elevator ⚘ rutger is there before the elevator opens and rose is in disbelief that he's standing in front of her because his ex - now - girlfriend is upstairs ⚘ rose left without saying anything ⚘ in December 2025, she gets offered placement for her country to represent them at the olympics ⚘ leans on her family heavily during that time because she doesn't know which offer to take in regards to the event ⚘ ultimately she makes the best decision and the team/country keeps it on the down low because they don't need any backlash ⚘ which prompts her to just show up to the training center and then to italy without it being outed

timeline: ⚘ the next time that they see each other are at the olympics (a year later), while rutger plays alongside her brothers and she plays for her country ⚘ jesse compher- her wing partner back at u of wisconsin, sets the two up to meet and convinces them to talk ⚘ they 'bump' into one another and head back to the village to have a serious discussion ⚘ get back together the night before her gold medal game and pick up where they left off ⚘ official rekindle: feburary 18th, 2026 ⚘ rose retires from hockey in march 2026 ⚘ red carpet debut at espys awards ⚘ august, 2026 they move in together in winnipeg ⚘ july 14th, 2027 - they get engaged ⚘ rutger is traded the next day to the new jersey devils- signs long term deal ⚘ august 2027, they buy a small townhouse in chicago for the off season ⚘ june 2028, they adopt a daschund beagle mix from the shelter ⚘ august 2nd, 2029 they get married ⚘ adopt a cat October 2029 ⚘ miscarried in 2031 ⚘ have twins in 2032, a year and a half after the miscarriage. decides that the twins are it for them. ⚘ twins are born: august 7th at 5:32 pm & 5:45 pm in chicago ⚘ twins: addison monroe & arthur grant mcgroarty

aaaaand that's all for rn, other things will come out over time!

[coffee-n-bagels-comic-universe]

Brainwaves Bios: Kipling Mutton (1984)

The Gentleman Professor of Columbia University Kipling Mutton, PhD

A gentle and kind-hearted professor, working alongside Keaton and Wada, Doctor Mutton wants to keep people healthy and happy, wanting only to heal and help, he's scared of Doctor Ljunggren, who he's been forced to share an office with.

"Well, Doctor Ljunggren, you don't have to do that."

Name

Full Legal Name: Kipling Ocean Mutton

First Name: Kipling

Meaning: From an English surname that was from a place name meaning 'Cyppel's people'.

Pronunciation: KIP-ling

Origin: English

Middle Name: Ocean

Meaning: Simply from the English word 'Ocean' for a large body of water.

Pronunciation: O-shen

Origin: English

Surname: Mutton

Meaning: Referred to a shepherd or else someone who resembled a sheep, derived from Norman French 'Mouton' 'Sheep'.

Pronunciation: MUT-an

Origin: English

Titles: Doctor, Professor, Mr

Nicknames: Kip, Kippers

Characteristics

Age: 31

Gender: Male. He/Him Pronouns

Race: Human

Nationality: American Citizen. Born in England

Birth Date: May 24th 1953

Sexuality: Bisexual

Religion: Christian

Native Language: English

Known Languages: English, Welsh, French, British Sign Language, American Sign Language, Polish, German, Hebrew

Relationship Status: Single

Astrological Sign: Gemini

Actor: Alfred Molina

Geographical Characteristics

Birthplace: Paddington, London, England

Current Residence: Central Park West, New York, New York (Note: Lives next-door to Mars & Nova)

Appearance

Height: 6'2.5" / 189 cm

Weight: 165 lbs / 75 kg

Eye Colour: Brown

Hair Colour: Black

Hair Dye: None

Body Hair: N/A

Facial Hair: Beard / Stubble

Tattoos: (As of Jan 1984) None

Piercings: None

Scars: None

Health and Fitness

Allergies: None

Alcoholic, Smoker, Drug User: Social Smoker, Social Drinker

Illnesses/Disorders: None Diagnosed

Medications: None

Any Specific Diet: None

Relationships

Affiliated Groups: Columbia University (Employee)

Friends: May Keaton, Allison Wada, Heather Nieto-Jorge, Nova Teufel, Mars Teufel

Significant Other: None

Previous Partners: None of Note

Parents: Jason Mutton (62, Father), Natalie Mutton (63, Mother, Née Holden)

Parents-In-Law: None

Siblings: None

Siblings-In-Law: None

Nieces & Nephews: None

Children: None

Extras

Level of Education: Hepatology PhD, Haematology PhD, Genetics PhD, Biochemistry PhD

Occupation: Scientist & Professor of Hepatology & Haematology

Employer: Columbia University

Expertise:

Hepatologist

Haematologist

Genetic Scientist

Biochemist

Optimistic

Excellent Cook

Polyglot

Energetic

Faults:

Gullible

Easily Scared

Easily Distracted

Backstory: Born in England, Doctor / Professor / Mr Kipling Ocean Mutton came to America to teach at the age of 20 and has worked every day since his arrival at Columbia University, rarely taking holidays.

[icarusthelunarguard]

This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

It’s time for this week’s Horrible-Scopes! So for those of you that know your Astrological Signs, cool! If not, just pick one, roll a D12, or just make it up as you go along. It really doesn’t matter.

This week’s inspiration is from… Well, never you mind what inspired me this week. We’re delving into a challenge for you all; Spot The Made-Up Cryptid!

Aries 

We’re going to start off strong in the “Is It made Up” part by giving you… The Czechoslovakian Dong Wrangler. According to reports this twelve-foot (3.66M) tall terror stalks the hills in Russia carrying a handbag made out of human hair, all in the vicinity of where the Tzar Bomba was detonated. Legend has it that he may have once been a construction worker at a Russian nuclear power plant that was simply erased from all records after a year. This week invest in a cheap Geiger Counter. 

Taurus 

You might not think this one is worth considering, but this organization’s information is almost never wrong. Designated SCP-4666, this extremely long-lived humanoid has an active season stretching from the end of one year and just into the next. These "Weissnacht Events" are most dangerous to immature human children with negative personal traits. This week, familiarize yourself with the sounds of cloven hooves and rattling chains… and hope you haven’t been a naughty child this year.

Gemini  

You get one of the most terrifying of all the cryptids on this list. We’ll describe it for you first so you can get a feel for why it’s to be feared. Imagine a creature with near-unlimited knowledge, having a flat, rectangular face and an exposed spine to one side of its body. Said body can open and cut your fingers potentially hundreds of times at will. This week visit your local public library and ask the staff if they know what this monster is.  

Cancer Moon-Child 

Taking us back to 1735, your cryptid is known as the Jersey Devil. Described as a two-legged, hooved monster, with a sheep-like head and scaly wings reported to be seen mainly in Pine-Barrens, New Jersey. One sighting was in the winter of 1909 where people reported a trail of hooved footprints going under fences, across rooftops, and onto walls that appeared in the snow one night. This week, don’t be alarmed that this cryptid’s stomping ground is where McGuire Air Force Base is located. Totally a coincidence.

Leo 

Taking you into New York State by way of Loch Ness, you have the legend of the Silver Lake Sea Serpent. Originally spotted in 1855, this beast was described as a massive, scaly, dinosaur like creature, borne from the depths of Silver Lake; possibly an offshoot of the same species as Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster. To date, neither creature has been seen together with the other, leading the locals to believe they are actually the same creature. This week try panhandling for silver and gold nuggets.

Virgo 

We’re taking you into the Western Canadian region; in particular to Okanagan Lake in British Columbia. The Ogopogo is an inland Sea Serpent, upwards of 15M / 50ft in length with smooth dark skin and a body thicker than a telephone pole. According to First Nation legends the monster moves at incredible speeds coiling its body in vertical undulations and propels itself with a powerful tail. This week… buy a life vest and wear it everywhere you go. 

Libra 

You go to the OTHER side of Canada for your creature. Hailing from Lake Utopia, New Brunswick is a monster known as ‘Old Ned’. Sightings also go back to local indigenous folklore, he’s described as serpent-like and scaly, swimming very quickly across the lake. This week take a fishing trip to Lake Utopia and drive around Long Island three times at 2 in the morning. Let us know if Old Ned says “hi”. If we don’t hear back from you, we’ll just assume the worst.   

Scorpio 

In South Africa they have something called the Tokoloshe! It’s an evil creature, about a foot high, Looking something like an evil monkey. Locals believe that raising the bed above the ground will keep you safe. Now that you know about this one, remember that dangling your foot outside your bedsheets is a surefire way to be attacked by one of these creatures. This week sleep with the fan on.

Sagittarius 

Into the numerous islands of Indonesia we bring you reports of the Ahool; a winged cryptid thought by some to be a giant bat or a flying primate. First reported in 1925 by Dr Ernest Bartels (no known relation to the Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers), it’s been sighted in Java and across Indonesia, Vietnam and the Philippines. This week learn to respect the sky puppies.. Or Else.

Capricorn 

You’re fairly familiar with the Jackalope. Well we take you to Northern Europe and give you the Wolpertinger. Said to have the body of a hare, the antlers of a deer, and the wings, feet, or beak of a bird. Most other animals are safe from them, as they only eat herbs, roots, and insects, but travelers are warned to avoid them because they can spray a skunk-like odor, and anyone unfortunate enough to come into contact with the wolpertinger’s saliva would grow patches of thick hair all over their body. This week… invest in hedge clippers.

Aquarius 

On the Eastern-side of Africa we take you to Tanzania to find… the Mngwa. As hard to pronounce as it is elusive, the Mngwa is a ferocious nocturnal cat the size of a donkey but with stripes like a tabby. With a name that translates literally as ‘the strange one’, the Mngwa was first documented in the early 1900s and was even discussed in the respected British scientific journal 'Discovery' after several Tanzanian natives were allegedly attacked by them. This week we know that your last words before your death will be, “PSPSPSPSPSPS!”

Pisces  

You’ve seen enough Japanese cartoons to know where this one is going.. Sorta. Swinging over to Madagascar, you get to experience Ya-Te-Veo, aka the Man-Eating Tree! A tribe known as the Mkodo had a ritual sacrifice in which the tribe offered up one of their own to a large tree they called “Ya-Te-Veo.” The tree then devoured the sacrifice. Why they did this is still a mystery. This week, get rid of your copy of La Blue Girl.

And THOSE are your Horrible-Scopes for this week! Remember if you liked what you got, we’re obviously not working hard enough at these. BUT! If you want a better or nastier one for your own sign or someone else’s, all you need to do to bribe me is just Let Me Know! These will be posted online at the end of each week via Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Discord.

[alexesguerra]

Tarot Coloring Tarot Coloring Paperback – Coloring Book, December 21, 2021 by Alexis E. Thomson (Illustrator) ---Brand New--- Color your fortune any way you like in this beautifully illustrated coloring book with more than 40 images. Tarot Coloring is a stunning exploration of an ancient art that remains significant and special in modern times. Intricate line illustrations by Alexis E. Thomson feature more than 40 prominent cards from both the major and minor arcana decks, including the High Priestess and the Wheel of Fortune—as well as astrological images associated with the craft. Additional details about each image allow readers to fully understand its significance in the art of fortune-telling. About the Author Alexis E. Thomson is a Canadian artist, born and raised in Vancouver, British Columbia. From an early age she was drawn to the visual arts, exploring mediums such as sculpture, textiles, painting, and illustration. At age 19 she left art school to pursue an apprenticeship and subsequent career as a tattooist. Alexis is best known for her work with birds and botanicals. Since childhood, her main artistic inspiration has come from the study of plants and animals, particularly those native to her home in the Pacific Northwest. In contrast to her fascination with the natural world around her, Alexis also has a keen interest in the mystical. Her studies in mythology, demonology, and cryptozoology frequently inspire her artwork, where she enjoys proposing new or unusual perspectives on classic tales. Product details Publisher ‏ : ‎ Thunder Bay Press (December 21, 2021) Language ‏ : ‎ English Paperback ‏ : ‎ 96 pages ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1645179036 ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 9781645179030 Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1 pounds Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 8.5 x 0.4 x 11 inches

[poojaverma]

Disclosure Of Sodalite Meanings, Astrological Benefits, & Cleansing Process

It is a part of the cubic crystal system and has an opaque transparency that can be primarily found near the Ice River complex in British Columbia and also sourced from Burma, South America, Russia, Portugal, Romania, Italy, Australia, and India. The official record says sodalite meaning comes from ancient Greek society means saltwater and is a scientific term derived from the Latin word “sodalitas” which signifies comrade.

[aniyaabe94]

Disclosure Of Sodalite Meanings, Astrological Benefits, & Cleansing Process

A feldspathoid mineral, Sodalite is a rich blue gem renowned for its intricate gray or white veining that’s associated with communication, harmony, and memory. It is a part of the cubic crystal system and has an opaque transparency that can be primarily found near the Ice River complex in British Columbia and also sourced from Burma, South America, Russia, Portugal, Romania, Italy, Australia, and India. The official record says sodalite meaning comes from ancient Greek society means saltwater and is a scientific term derived from the Latin word “sodalitas” which signifies comrade.

[bellaallen9090]

Disclosure Of Sodalite Meanings, Astrological Benefits, & Cleansing Process

Ever awash in magical glory, natural crystals explore the gorgeous creations of Mother Nature signifying high vibrational frequencies. Heavenly crystals since the beginning of time fascinated people with their symbolic power, cultural significance, properties, and unique jewelry. Today's article delves into a similar world of pure beauty discussing Sodalite gemstone and its legendary meaning, astrological benefits, and cleaning process. A feldspathoid mineral, Sodalite is a rich blue gem renowned for its intricate gray or white veining that’s associated with communication, harmony, and memory. It is a part of the cubic crystal system and has an opaque transparency that can be primarily found near the Ice River complex in British Columbia and also sourced from Burma, South America, Russia, Portugal, Romania, Italy, Australia, and India.

VISIT NOW- Sodalite Meanings

[harshwp]

Best Indian love Psychic Reader in British Columbia |Psychic Shivanand

Looking for the Best Indian Love Psychic Reader in British Columbia? Psychic Shivanand offers expert guidance in love, relationships, and reuniting lost love. With years of experience in Vedic astrology and spiritual healing, he is known as one of the top Indian psychic readers in British Columbia. Psychic Shivanand provides personalized readings to help resolve relationship challenges, restore harmony, and guide you on the path to happiness. Connect with him today for a consultation and discover how his insights as a love psychic reader in British Columbia can transform your life.

[amils-posts]

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[averycanadianfilm]

AveryCanadianFilm: Samuel H. Lawson, the Karmic Astrologer, and the Monk

Setting: a conversation circa ~2003 on a small island in British Columbia.

Monk: Are you still meditating?

Samuel H. Lawson: Because of my extensive travels my meditation practice has lapsed.

Monk: You should restart.

Samuel H. Lawson: Perhaps.

Monk: Why do you meditate?

Samuel H. Lawson: For spiritual reasons.

Monk: Such as?

Samuel H. Lawson: Dhamma works.

Monk: {laughs} I know, and?

Samuel H. Lawson: For the health and benefit of this mind-matter structure. Unwanted things happen or not, wanted things happened or not, in any case it's crucial to remain equanimous, a strong meditation improves abilities in this way.

Monk: And?

Samuel H. Lawson: From a scientific perspective, it's a powerful, proven, systematic investigation of the mind to which I have direct access. This informs my research.

Monk: Which is?

Samuel H. Lawson: The creation of a mathematical theory of consciousness, but don't tell anyone.

Karmic Astrologer: Is that why you do astrology?

Samuel H. Lawson: I don't want to discuss astrology.

Monk: Mind-Brain inter-are, in a human incarnation they manifest together at the same time.

Samuel H. Lawson: Exactly, if mind is a kind of body then it has a structure, if it has a structure then it can be described mathematically. If sensations are there, then physics is there.

Monk: What kind of mathematics?

Samuel H. Lawson: I don't yet know.

Karmic Astrologer: You'll have to wait until Pluto enters Aquarius.

Samuel H. Lawson: That's what I heard in India, but I don't think I'll live that long.

Karmic Astrologer: Still bothered in dreams by aliens?

Samuel H. Lawson: They're so annoying!!

Karmic Astrologer: Perhaps you should change your name.

Samuel H. Lawson: You think that'll help?

Karmic Astrologer: Perhaps. Any ideas?

Samuel H. Lawson: When I was in Ethiopia my Ethiopian girlfriend gave me a new name.

Monk: Really? What's the name?

Samuel H. Lawson: Tshi Nebre.

Karmic Astrologer: What does it mean?

Samuel H. Lawson: That's the thing, roughly translated from Amharic, the full name means 'Sun, the water tiger', but when I returned to Canada, I found out that 'Nebre or Nebra' means 'son of the Sun god Re' - a Pharaoh.

Monk: Interesting. Do you have any connection to Egypt?

Samuel H. Lawson: I think my paternal grandmother was Egyptian.

Karmic Astrologer: Perhaps you should publish using the name Tshi Nebre.

Samuel H. Lawson: Perhaps, but I'd rather make music using that name and publish using my European name.

[astrovishnuguruji]

Astrologer Vishnu Guruji is Best Financial Problems Expert in California, New York, USA, Top And Famous Indian Financial Issues Specialist astrologer in Alabama, American Samoa, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, District Of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Northern Mariana Islands, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Texas, Virgin Islands, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming, astrologer in Alberta, British Columbia, Manitoba, New Brunswick, Newfoundland And Labrador, Northwest, Territories, Nova Scotia, Nunavut, Ontario, Prince Edward Island, Quebec, Saskatchewan, Canada

[icarusthelunarguard]

This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

It’s time for this week’s Horrible-Scopes! So for those of you that know your Astrological Signs, cool! If not, just pick one, roll a D12, or just make it up as you go along. It really doesn’t matter.

It was suggested that I could just ignore The Stars and write a set of Horrible-Scopes based on anything I wanted. So, since it’s my birth-week as I write this, I’ve taken that suggestion to heart.

Aries 

Rams live very social lives, but tend to be overall defenseless creatures, relying on their flock for protection from predators! So this week enjoy the time you have with those in your close circles since they have your back.

Taurus 

Quick fact for you Bulls - until not too very long ago there were Spanish Bullfighting Rings in some southern Japanese Islands! Keep this in mind as you consider planning your next holiday. Stick to the main island and you’ll be fine. 

Gemini  

As Twins, you keep getting into trouble and blaming someone else. So this week you need to listen to “The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000” song as punishment. Once you hear the line, “Traveling salesponies nonpareil!” you’ll realize you never paid enough attention in French class. Imagine how disappointed in you your teacher would be today. (TSK! TSK! TSK!)

Cancer Moon-Child 

You asked to have a Horrible-Scope specifically tuned to your personality and species, in this case a Crab? Since you asked, how about we answer your question with a question: Why Not Zoidberg? (*Pause*) ��If you don’t get it, ask someone younger than you what it means, Gramps.

Leo 

Lions have this interesting habit of sleeping a lot! Like twenty hours a day. The fact that you want to take after them is admirable, if weird. Just remember something - do not nuzzle the neck-floof of an African Lion. If you do, plan on being a gracious guest and accept their invitation to stay for dinner… you really won’t have much of a choice. 

Virgo 

The sign of The Maiden, you tend to be the nurturing type. Helping others in a bind, being creative in unusual ways, having encyclopedic knowledge in esoteric areas of trivia, and willing to forgive others who have wronged you. All the traits of one “Suri Polomare”. What’s that? You don’t know who that is? Huh! Guess all that trivia knowledge was just good guessing then, huh? 

Libra 

Since we can’t anthropomorphize a literal balance scale, we’re just going to do the next best thing and relocate you to a new planet in a new constellation. So this week you will find yourself… in the constellation of Kasterborous. And you may ask yourself… "How do I work this?" And you may ask yourself… "Where is that large automobile?" And you may tell yourself… "This is not my beautiful house" And you may tell yourself… "This is not my beautiful wife"! Good luck finding your way home!

Scorpio 

Scorpions are closely related to spiders, and aren’t only found in the desert. Nope! They also live in Brazilian forests, British Columbia, North Carolina, and even the Himalayas. So this week stop being amazed at where you find yourself and who your family is. It all just “IS”.

Sagittarius 

Your animal is the Centaur-Archer, but most don't realize how hard it is to draw a long bow, aim, and hit a target the size of a small pumpkin at a full gallop! At least WE appreciate you. At least until we're out of range or you're out of arrows. This week avoid D4s at all costs!

Capricorn 

Do you know how many famous “Sea Goats” there are? “Damned Few!” This week you get to learn about “Shanty” the Pirate Goat from the beat-em-up game, “Them’s Fightin’ Herds!” from Mane6. Just like you, she’s a special fan-asked for DLC addition to the universe. Unlike you she has orange eyes with horizontal pupils. This week, order a set of vanity contacts with an orange iris and horizontal pupils. 

Aquarius 

For the sign of the Water Bearer we’re pairing you up with “Steven Magnet”! Yes… THE Steven Magnet. What did you expect, a bugbear? You’re supportive of your long-time bestie, but not above hitting on people at a wedding. You’re lucky you’re adorable. This week be careful - your luck’s about to run out.

Pisces  

For your birthday we are being self-indulgent. Instead of The Fish you are now Nightmare Moon. Your domain is the Night, your life works backwards from most others, and you are overshadowed by others who should consider you an equal. This week take what is rightfully yours by any means necessary! But plan for failure, anticipate it, and set events in place to make sure you can only fail successfully! OH.. and… don’t buy an ice cream cake. That many candles will just melt it before the last one is lit. 

And THOSE are your Horrible-Scopes for this week! Remember if you liked what you got, we’re obviously not working hard enough at these. BUT! If you want a better or nastier one for your own sign or someone else’s, all you need to do to bribe me is just Let Me Know! These will be posted online at the end of each week via Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Discord.

[santoshikrupa]

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